Have you ever ended the workday feeling depleted, depressed, and daringly close to opening up a second bottle of wine?
I have. In fact, we’ve all grappled with the questions:
What’s wrong with my job?
What’s wrong with my manager?
Why do I feel I’m constantly shoving my vocal chords into the locked drawer at my desk?
Often, it all comes down to values and whether or not your company is a good culture fit for you.
There’s a scene in the ‘Wizard of Oz’ (my favorite movie) where Toto pulls back the curtain. It reveals a man working the controls of the not-actually-a-wizard-machine. Discovered, he yells into the microphone, “Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!”
Our values are kinda the same. They work behind-the-scenes to drive how we act, think, and feel. They’re subconscious little wheels and cogs fixed into place by our childhood, religion, and experiences – the real you at your core.
But, as women, we often toe a thin line in the male-dominated workplace. If we talk with authority, people say we’re aggressive or bitchy. If we hold back or clam up, we’re underestimated and overlooked.
So, sometimes, when our values are on the verge of discovery, we scramble to pull the curtain closed and say things like, “Pay no mind! It’s been a long day. These tears have nothing to do with the fact my boss disrespected me this morning!”
Every day, you face small or large ethical challenges. There might be a perceived inability to speak up without disapproval. Or taking a stand often ends with everyone giving you the side-eye in the break room. But, standing up for your values is essential for your integrity, self-respect, health, well-being, and legacy. So, how can you gain the confidence you need to stand up for your values? Don’t worry; I’ve got you, chica.
Get clear on what’s important to you
First off, the answer to all your problems is internal. You can’t control — or change — your crappy boss who disrespects everyone. However, you can bring the level of respect you desire into the workplace.
Take some quality time to get to know yourself. What are your beliefs? What gets you worked up? What makes your heart sing ‘There’s no place like home!’? If you don’t know what you stand for, you’ll fall for anything. Not sure what values you cherish? In my free workbook, Your Values at Work, you can get introspective and chart a course to a career you’ll love. Sign up for my newsletter to get it in your inbox.
Be prepared for the conversation
In any situation, you’ll cover more ground when you’re diplomatic and polite. Don’t prepare for a fight but prepare for the conversation.
Let’s say your boss wants you to push a client to sign a contract that states their project will wrap up on a date you know you can’t hit. No biggie. Once they’re locked in, we can fudge the timeline. But, as an honest person, you’re uncomfortable with making a promise you can’t keep.
Take a break. You don’t have to respond off the cuff. Tell your boss, “Let me think about this, and I’ll relay my decision by the end of the day.” Prepare some talking points for your case and review it with a close friend. Do you sound succinct? Refresh your memory on the company’s codes of conduct, values, and policies to add weight to your stance.
On an emotional intelligence level, step into your boss’s shoes for a moment. What is driving or motivating them? Are they under pressure from the higher-ups to increase sales? What are other alternatives available to help meet larger objectives? When you show your boss you understand their perspective; you’ll earn mutual respect.
Speak with confidence
You’re ready to take action and move the discussion forward. To do this, you want to make sure you communicate clearly, strongly, and skillfully. Avoid attacking the person’s character and focus only on the actions.
Ask your boss to clarify not only the goal of this project but other larger or annual objectives. Offer solutions to the current problem by offering alternatives. Use this as an opportunity for collaboration and to demonstrate you can think strategically. What would you be willing to do? Can you get the job done without sacrificing your values? Like putting in extra hours on the weekend? Or giving the sale to a coworker who has more time?
Remember, you’re allowed to say no
Of course, you want to be a team player — and don’t stand your ground to get out of work — but the company hired you for your unique skill sets and talents. You do have a voice; you just got to find it, chica!
When you’re comfortable in your workplace, it’s easier to have the confidence to speak up. If you’ve picked the wrong workplace, you may be confronted with these situations. But, for the most part, it’ll be obvious when it’s time to stay or go. Whatever the situation, know what values you aren’t willing to compromise. Prepare for the conversation so you can present yourself with authority, and speak with confidence.
